I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
