You're so nebulous sometimes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
