P.S. I can't hear my feet
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
