Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
