I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
