I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
