addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
