he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
