Sry I called you an 8
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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