sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
