Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
