I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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