and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
