the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
