he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
