the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
