I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
