I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
