WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
