Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
