just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
