Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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