i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
