Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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