This girl is more easily done than said...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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