Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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