you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
