I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
