i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
