and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
