dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
