I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My balls are so social today.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
