Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
