Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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