Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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