he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
