She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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