This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
