winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
