I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
