I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
