Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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