that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
