Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
