We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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