You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
