hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
