YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
