It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
