Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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