i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
