don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
