the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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