At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
