He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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