Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
