I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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