Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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