I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
